I'm sorry my penis didn't work
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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