hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
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If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
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Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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