Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize