I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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