I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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