i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
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Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
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WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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