Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize