I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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