I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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