Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
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during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
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Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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