2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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