I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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