i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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