Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
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My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
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You sprinted into the side of a parked car
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize