He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
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You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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