What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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