sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
We are two peas in an std pod
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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