Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
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I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
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He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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