So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Panties = found
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize