wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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