I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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