When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
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