he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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