we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
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im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
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From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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