ya dads aren't the best wingmen
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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