I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
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Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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