he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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