Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize