I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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