I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize