i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
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Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
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A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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