I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He did a backflip because drugs
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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