i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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