I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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