my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
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she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
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Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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