Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have fence marks all over my body
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize