Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize