Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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