i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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