so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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