theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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