Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
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Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
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Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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