well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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