i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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