You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize