You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize