The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize