He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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