I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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