wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
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Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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